No Just No
by Ranting Flamer 2060
Summary: Three drunk Seekers, and two cans of paint... one-shot crack -Complete-


This quote bunny was taken from Heslestor on the TF Bunny Farm. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: We don't own Transformers. Never have, never will (in reality anyway).

* * *

No. Just No.

Skywarp drifted across the sky lazily. It was his turn for patrol, and as punishment he had been given the area that had no land mass what so ever in it. Ocean flights were not his thing. There was nothing to look at other than the waves, and on the rare occasion, a ship.

"Frag. This has got to be one of the most boring things they could think up." Skywarp did a barrel roll out of boredom. "Actually, monitor duty has got to be the most boring thing. I feel bad for 'screamer and TC."

That gave Skywarp an idea. Fully opening his side of the spark-bond he started to send through to Starscream and Thundercracker the vast excitement of flying; doing loops and spins in the air. The sudden rush of the wind brushing against his wings as he went up into the atmosphere, and the dizzying effect of cutting the engines and allowing ones self to free fall back towards the earth in spirals, catching himself in midair just before he hit the water.

After about ten minutes of this Starscream shut off his side of the bond with a 'You fragger, just wait til you get back.' and Thundercracker followed suit with 'Skywarp, quit being a aft for once.' That brought a grin to Skywarp's face. Too bad the feeling only lasted so long before he got bored again.

Several minutes later Skywarp's mind was wandering again. "Hmmmmm….. I wonder what Megatron would look like if he was orange?" That gave Skywarp an idea. Megatron as a bright construction orange, with neon green highlights. Like those silly little cones the squishies use on the roadways. The thought itself made him snicker with glee. He set to making plans for how to pull it off right away.

* * *

Back on the Nemesis, Skywarp hunted down his two bondmates. A grin plastered on his face.

"What are you planning now?" Thundercracker sighed as he caught sight of Skywarp coming down the hallway with a slight skip to his step. "It had better not involve us this time."

"Oh, but of course, you guys _have_ to help! I don't know any of the codes I need to pull this off." Skywarp bubbled and proceeded to give Thundercracker his famous 'Sparkling Optics'.

Thundercracker shook his head in exasperation. "You're going to get us killed one day, you know that right?" Skywarp ignored Thundercracker and happily typed in the code to their quarters, where Starscream was waiting with some highgrade for them. Apparently, Megatron had done something to irritate the young air commander (which happened quite often actually), and he had thus forgotten all about punishing Skywarp for the spark-bond teasing earlier that day.

"Perfect." Skywarp smiled.

Starscream looked up warily. "I know that look…what do you want?"

"Oh, nothing much…" Skywarp gave his most angelic smile.

Starscream glared. "Spill it."

"Well, if you insist, oh great and mighty trine leader." Skywarp chortled cheekily.

"Warp, do yourself a favor and quit while you're ahead." Thundercracker sighed. "If you're ever ahead…" the blue seeker muttered.

"Ah, I love you too, TC."

Starscream just groaned. Between Megatron and his ADHD wingmate, it was going to be a long night.

* * *

Several cubes of highgrade later…

"And he wouldn't even listen to me!! I'm supposed to be his slaggin' second in command!" The floor around the seekers was littered with empty highgrade cubes.

Skywarp shot his ranting wingmate a sly look. "How'd you like to get back at him?"

Starscream's attention was piqued. "How so?"

"Well, I'm so glad you asked. I was thinking…"

While his wingmates were plotting Thundercracker just shook his head and relaxed with a datapad and sipped his highgrade. Best not to get involved.

Four cubes later he was in.

* * *

Soon after the mechs on the Nemesis went into recharge for the night, with only the monitor mech on duty, the three seekers put Skywarp's plan into action.

While Starscream typed in the code to open the door to Megatron's room, Skywarp and Thundercracker readied the paint and brushes. The seekers made quick work of the prank as they knew exactly what they wanted done.

Skywarp giggled as he tripped over a stack of highgrade cubes that Megatron had left on the floor. He grabbed onto Starscream's wings for support, Starscream eeped and jumped. Thundercracker started snickering as the two went down. As soon as the overcharged air commander had ascertained that there was no threat to his person, he started giggling as well.

As soon as they were back in their room, the three seekers again collapsed in a pile of giggles, this time out of relief. "Frag, we're so lucky that ol Megsy recharges like a lump a slag." Skywarp slurred. His wingmates voiced their agreement.

Soon after, there was a pile of recharging jets on the floor.

* * *

"Owww…. Pit, meh head…" Skywarp moaned. From underneath him came a slightly edgier complaint.

"Fragger, geroff meh wings!" Starscream grouched, his voice a slightly higher pitch than usual.

"Ugh, what's that noise…" Thundercracker's voice wafted up from the pile.

Skywarp eeped as Starscream's hand wrapped around his neck and pulled him to the side. "I said, off. The. Wings. Fragger!"

Thundercracker hunkered in on himself in a little ball of seeker misery, trying vainly to ignore his now arguing wingmates. 'How they manage to be this energetic hung over is beyond me…' he muttered to himself.

Suddenly Thundercracker's head shot up. "Guys, what time is it?"

Starscream checked his chronometer and groaned. "We are so slagged."

Skywarp finally caught on. "We missed patrol, didn't we…"

* * *

It didn't take long for all three seekers to get cleaned up and practically running down the hallways to the bridge to check in before their illustrious leader beat them there.

Alas, they did not make it. "Starscream, you're late." Starscream cringed and tried to slink off, but Megatron grabbed a wing.

Thundercracker and Skywarp, mercifully hadn't been noticed yet. Mercifully, because Skywarp was about to collapse in a heap of helpless giggling. Judging from the looks the other mechs in the room were giving their illustrious leader, none of them had yet told him that he now resembled a human traffic cone with green pinstripes.

"Now where are you off to in such a hurry, Starscream? You've only just gotten here." Megatron tightened his grip on the seeker's wing.

Starscream smiled nervously, as he tried his very hardest to keep the hysterical giggles at bay, at least while that fusion cannon was pointed at his wings. "N-nowhere my lord."

Megatron automatically suspected something was up. Starscream was never this formal, especially in the morning. Unless… "Are you mocking me?"

Soundwave chose that moment to walk in. Taking one look at his commanding officer, Soundwave tilted his head, confused. "Inquiry: new paint job?"

Megatron raised an optic ridge at his third in command. "What nonsense are you blathering about now?" 'It's too fragging early for this, maybe I shouldn't have had so much highgrade last night…' the once silver gunformer thought to himself.

Soundwave pointed at the arm Megatron was holding onto Starscream with and restated his question. This time Megatron looked. His optics widened as he saw the bright orange and neon green that was now in place of his subtle gray.

Megatron glared heatedly at his second in command. "Starscream, you have humiliated me for the last time!" His orange and green pinstriped fusion cannon started powering up.

Skywarp ducked into the scant cover behind the doorway to the bridge. "Oops..." Looking over at Thundercracker he grinned. "Guess I should'a made sure we weren't here for Megs when he found out...." Thundercracker merely shook his head.

Starscream couldn't believe it, this was all Skywarp's fault, and he was the one getting put in the med bay for it. "It wasn't my fault Lord Megatron!" He screeched at the top of his vocalizer. Praying to every and all Cybertronian deities that he wouldn't get shot, or at least not injured badly enough to warrant a visit to Hook (the constructicon was tiring of dealing with him on such a consistent basis and had threatened to weld his aft to a berth that had his name carved into it the next time he came in).

Megatron just smirked at Starscream before firing his fusion cannon at the brightly colored seeker, "I didn't say it was your fault, I just said I was going to blame you."

* * *

Starscream: Skywarp! Get your aft over here. I'm going to kill you, and then I'm going to bring you back and do it again!

Skywarp: .; hehe….um don't hurt me. Technically it was our darling authoress' idea.

Thundercracker: but you still helped.

Skywarp: Um, bye! *vop*

Okay… this was an interesting one to complete…. Took us several weeks to figure out where the crap it was going. We had to nearly throttle Skywarp muse to let us know what he had planned for our favorite Decepticon leader. We had the beginning and the end, and no middle to speak of for quite a while.

The bunny that started it all is Megatron's last line. "I didn't say it was your fault, I just said I was going to blame you."


End file.
